I was on recently vacation with my cute 8-year-old step-nephew named Ash. He’s the blond one in the picture, along with my dad. It’s the best picture I could find that best exemplified their characteristics. My dad looks better upside-down, and Ash is adorable at any angle.
I thought this would be a fun little blog post about Ash’s “lifetime lessons” for me. I transcribed every word.
Why should I, your step-uncle, listen to you?
So when you’re older, you might think about these life lessons that I taught you.
OK, here’s the first lesson: Navigation
Any time you’re on a four-wheeler, you should do the following:
Look where you’re going when you’re going on a hill. You, um, stop. No, no, uh huh. [I’m writing down every ‘um,’ and he’s getting frustrated since he sees what I’m typing.] You stop. Uuuhhhhhhh stop doing that. Asdlfasdijfoqwj stop doing that!
[Back to the lesson.]
You stop your four-wheeler. And then you look at the roads. You’re looking at the hills you’ve already been on. Cause then you can remember by not getting lost. And you can remember the place to get to your house or something and not get lost. Then, you lick your finger and put it up in the air. When the wind’s blowing, you can tell where you are. Or if it’s cold, if you’re following the cold line, then that’s not good. Cause then you’re going the wrong direction. You’re supposed to go the warmest way.
Second lesson: Outside
When you’re in the forest on a mountain.
First, you get down low. Lean to the ground a little bit. And then you start walking down very slowly. And then if you see a tree and it’s really, really steep, you should grab on to that tree. But if there’s not a tree and it’s really steep, then you should dig your nails into the ground. Then that’s it. Cause if you dig your nails in the ground, you can get a better grip of the ground (so you don’t fall).
And when you start getting low, start by leaning up a little bit. And then you can walk how you normally walk. If you see bushes, you should grab a stick. With that stick, you whack the weeds. If there’s a snake, you whack it. So that’s why you should keep a stick with you — or a knife, or anything.
That’s it. That is it for this paragraph.